Oksana Masters describes the Ukrainian orphanage where she suffered horrendous abuse before being rescued and brought to the United States: “I was the smallest one there, and you learned not to exhibit emotion, whether you were sad or happy.”
Masters, who was born in 1989 in the shadow of the Chornobyl nuclear power plant and suffered from multiple birth defects due to radiation exposure, is the most decorated US Paralympic athlete, having excelled in four summer and winter sports and earning 17 medals.
Masters is, however, deep within the dark place where, as a damaged child whose birth parents had abandoned her, she experienced terror and pain, as she speaks with searing emotion and extraordinary sensitivity.
“I was always afraid of what would happen if I cried,” she explains, “because nothing positive ever occurred when I cried in that orphanage. So you learn to laugh when you want to weep during difficult times.”
Masters and I have been conversing for nearly an hour in a manner that is both focused and surprisingly easy. It helps that I’ve read her book, The Hard Parts, which describes how she was born with one kidney, a portion of her stomach, six digits on each foot, webbed fingers, no right biceps, and no thumbs.
Her left leg was six inches shorter than her right, and neither of her legs contained a fibula. Oksana was forced to undergo a double amputation in the United States following her adoption by American academic Gay Masters. She suffered from severe PTSD and struggled to adjust to suburban America as a disabled Ukrainian refugee, but sport became her salvation.
Sport gave me that good way to scream
The 33-year-old confesses she is still haunted because, in her words, the orphanage was “a brothel for minors.” Between the ages of five and seven, she was taken to “the room upstairs” and severely traumatized by sexual abuse.
She adds, “I was taken there frequently.” “Sometimes it lasted for a week, and other times it lasted for less. However, we were transported there weekly. When my companion Laney [another orphan who defended Oksana before she was brutally beaten and presumed dead] left, I realized I was going up there much more frequently.
It was initially bimonthly and then daily. We were brought there when the children who attended the school but were not orphans returned home. Only seven of us remained to be transported upstairs.
Masters ensures that a convoluted conversation is coherent and understandable. It aided her in composing her book and she chose to revisit the shadows. “When people see me, I don’t want their first impression to be, ‘Oh, she survived that,’ so I carefully considered why I would write about my orphanage experiences. Nonetheless, it is essential to discuss the issue.
“I don’t believe people are aware of what goes on in orphanages, especially the poor ones in eastern Europe, and no one wishes to believe it. This is an opportunity to shed light by initiating these dialogues.”
Gay Masters provided Oksana with the opportunity to find a secure and loving home. In the 1990s, an American professor, a single woman, desired to adopt a child, but it was too costly for her to do so in the United States.
Young girl with haunting eyes
She shifted her focus to Ukraine, and after seeing a photograph of a young girl with haunting eyes, Gay became preoccupied with locating her. While Oksana waited, she was given a photograph of Gay, who spent nearly three years attempting to complete the adoption and emigration processes.
Oksana’s face lights up as she recalls the first time she met her mother: “I vividly recollect that day when this dark, shadowy figure kneeled next to me and I felt pressure on the bed. You awaken to see the visage of the person you’ve been staring at for two years [in a photograph]. She was there in person, and I claimed her as my mother. It was absolute joy and contentment. Instantaneously, I felt secure in her presence, despite not knowing her.”
Oksana still experienced trauma upon their arrival in America. She buried the abuse because “I was afraid my mother would send me back if she knew about all these atrocities in the orphanage.”
As a teenager who was shortly to lose both legs, she began self-mutilation. “One of the most difficult adjustments in coming to America was the lack of suffering, harm, and fear.” Without it, self-harm became an easy means to numb me from everything.”
Oksana regained her sense of security as soon as she sat in a boat on the water after her adoptive mother encouraged her to take up rowing. She says, “I cannot fathom my life without sport.” “Yes, I would have still had an incredible mother, but without sports, I would not have had a physically healthy means to scream out all my stress. I could vent in the gym, on the water, or at the starting line without having to speak about it.”
The US Winter Paralympics program
Masters had only recently begun rowing when she claimed her first Paralympic medal in London in 2012. The US Winter Paralympics program contacted her as a result of her tenacity and innate sporting ability, which was a remarkable achievement.
Masters was persuaded to learn to ski with prosthetic limbs, and she went on to win 14 Paralympic medals in biathlon and cross-country skiing. After a back injury prevented her from rowing at the Tokyo Summer Paralympics in 2021, she also earned two gold medals as a cyclist.
Her mother asserts that her “Ukrainian tenacity” was most evident before the 2018 Winter Paralympics in Pyeongchang. Masters dislocated and fractured her forearm three weeks before the Olympic Games. Her doctor informed her that a normal person’s recuperation period would be between four and eight months.
Masters, who had spent the majority of her existence desperately attempting to “blend in rather than stand out,” demonstrated that she was extraordinary. She made it to Pyeongchang and won five Paralympic medals, including two gold, despite her fractured elbow.
Masters exceeded this record at the Beijing Winter Paralympics in 2008, when she won seven medals, including three golds. She still felt as if her heart had shattered because Russia had declared war on Ukraine just days before the Olympics began in February of last year.
Masters was however pleased to be introduced before each competition as “Oksana Masters, representing the United States and Ukraine.” All of her medals were wildly celebrated by the Ukrainian Paralympians, who made her an honorary member of their team.
Desire to win for Ukraine
It almost appeared as though her medal haul was fueled by a desire to win for Ukraine. “Absolutely,” she affirms, “since we departed [for Beijing] on February 24 [the day the war began]. I feel so fortunate to have Team USA and the Ukrainian athletes and coaches who always tell me, “We’ll be cheering for you when you compete.”
“I am so proud to be an American-Ukrainian, especially now that I can raise awareness of the war in the United States. My mother has always said that my Ukrainian spirit keeps me resilient, tough, and a fighter. I believe the world is recognizing that there is something unique about Ukrainian DNA.”
Masters believes that as long as the conflict persists, the IOC should prohibit Russian athletes from participating in the 2024 Olympics and Paralympics in Paris. “A blanket prohibition is required because more than a hundred Ukrainian athletes who were in Tokyo cannot train for Paris due to fighting. Numerous Ukrainian instructors are unemployed, and the entire training infrastructure has disappeared. Russian athletes cannot compete as if nothing has transpired.”
Masters, speaking to me via Zoom from her home in Illinois, is surrounded by a stunning display of sunflowers. “They are the national flower of Ukraine and my favorite,” she says with a beaming grin.
She is also thoughtful when we discuss her dedication to Ukraine, despite having endured such tragedy there. “I told my mother from day one that I would not acquire English. I’m an intelligent lady who will teach you Ukrainian. I was incredibly pleased to be Ukrainian. Not the country itself was responsible for my darker experiences and memories. It was only a handful of bad individuals, including caretakers and men from Russia, Poland, and other regions.”
2028 Paralympics in Los Angeles
Masters and her longstanding boyfriend, US Paralympian Aaron Pike, are determined to compete in Paris. Her goal is to retire from the elite sport at the 2028 Paralympics in Los Angeles when she will be 39 years old. But she smiles when I ask if she and Pike would like to become parents. “That’s a strange thing to say. I was just discussing this with him and asking, “What is the plan?”
“He is so excellent with children, and I desperately want to be a mother. I want my mother to see me as a mother after all she has done for me. Whether or not we decide to adopt, it is unquestionably in our future.”
She appears to be nearly at peace with her past and with herself. She states, “I’m in progress.” “But I’m human. There are days when you wake up disliking your appearance and despising everything. However, 99.9% of the time I am at ease and recall my high school years. I wish I could have felt as I do now back then.”
The past was unpleasant, but the present is beautiful for Masters. She states, “I now realize that there are a variety of forms of loveliness.” Simply, we must make them more mainstream. When I arrived in America, my mother allowed me to choose a companion, and I chose the sickest cat. It was damaged and ailing, but we cared for it and helped it to live.
Find beauty in objects
“I now lead a very philosophical lifestyle. I pay attention and find beauty in objects that we are conditioned to disregard. Even though we’re taught that a tree is only beautiful when it’s full of colors and foliage. I can appreciate a bare tree in the winter. I adore dandelions despite the common belief that they are a persistent plants. However, it is a gorgeous weed.
“It’s identical to my recollections. Similar to scar tissue. Certain smells and sounds will always bring them back to my mind. However, I am better equipped to process it and not let it consume me or make me ill.
It is acceptable to experience difficulty when healing and recovering from invisible wounds and memories. You discover a distinct sense of power and significance behind it all. Your outlook has improved, and you can assist others by illuminating a light in the darkness.”
