The question I am really lucky to have attended a prestigious, top-ranked university. I am incredibly blessed in so many ways, yet coming from working-class beginnings, I battled with culture shock and social adjustment.
Since then, another unusual occurrence has occurred: all of my remaining friends have mysteriously purchased a home in London. No mention of money or savings. Simply walking into the pub one day and announcing their purchase.
They are then, naturally, praised for their accomplishment. Even those without employment or who are still in school… One minute we’re living in a shady house-share, and the next they’re asking our advice on curtains for their new apartment.
With little possibility of saving in this costly city and with stagnating income, I feel as if I will never have a safe place to live and that the system is rigged (though I do plan on leaving as soon as I find a job elsewhere). I fear that the jealousy may evolve into resentment. Should I let them go?
Philippa’s answer is No, I do not believe so. Whatever your social and economic background, it influences your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Your original culture shapes your identity, including how you think, feel, and act.
Even if everyone is speaking the same language, moving from one culture to another might make you feel as though you are in a strange play in which everyone but you has a copy of the script. Social mobility has provided you with a peek of another existence, a greater understanding of how unjust the world is and how little meritocracy has to do with it.
Having a secret nest egg to fall back on not only offers people the money to buy a house, but also the courage to take chances, study to study, and take time off. It’s hardly surprising that you feel resentment towards your friends, but is this their fault? No. Do you want to make them feel bad by rejecting them because they made you feel terrible? Perhaps, but would that help in any way? No.
The fact that your buddies don’t specify where their money comes from, even though their families have given them capital, may appear to be intentional, but I believe this is another instance of social differentiation. You have battled with social adjustment, and this may be your greatest challenge to date. Upper-middle-class individuals rarely discuss the origins of their wealth.
Therefore, probably because they haven’t heard other people discuss their trust funds, they don’t either – and this isn’t just about trust funds; I’m also referring to people who come from families that may have excess cash for assistance with a down payment or paying off student loans, which is completely foreign to you.
It may appear to you that they are faking that, after six months as, for example, a trainee solicitor, Ph.D. student, baby banker, or gallery assistant, they can purchase a three-bedroom apartment overlooking Clapham Common by their efforts. They are probably not intentionally dishonest.
This does not make them bad people, and they are likely ignorant of the impact they have on you. They may not have realized that the parents of certain people did not receive an inheritance from their parents and hence do not have extra income. You need not discard them.
According to research in the field of social psychology, it is less likely that persons from working-class backgrounds can benefit from education to enhance their material status than those from middle-class backgrounds with the same level of education.
This is due not only to inequalities in inherited wealth but also to differences in social and cultural capital, such as the size of networks and participation in various cultural activities. Your position is not unusual. You may have frequently felt like an alien. You’ve had a steeper mountain to climb than they have, so don’t give up now.
I understand that you feel like giving up and that this disparity is too great to handle, but please persevere. I want you to have a large network and leverage the social capital you already possess. And I want you, in a non-shaming manner, to educate your friends about your life – where you came from and what it’s like not to have trust money, or the social and cultural capital that they take for granted.
My husband likewise has roots in the working class and has class-hopped. When he left art school, he was at a dinner party in a mansion where a woman was unable to comprehend homelessness because she questioned, “Why didn’t they just go home to their parents?” Or, they could simply use a couple of these Rembrandts to construct a tent, he said as he surveyed the paintings in the dining room. I’m not arguing that was the best approach, merely that it was one.
The solution to inequality is more political than personal, but I don’t want you to waste your freshly acquired social capital.
